Carol's note 19/06/09

Dear friends,
It's raining outside, so I change my walking plan and sit down to write this note to you. Sorry for the late note. I miss you much, but in addition to bridge the life in the UK and Taiwan, with your generous and kind prayer, it takes me some time to rearrange my daily life. For example, spend some time to be used to my bare head (My head shape is not bad.) as well as my 'physical cycle'.

As you know, I have chemotherapy every 3 week. The first week afterthe chemotherapy is kind of difficult. I can't control my body temperature due to the side effects of the medicine. Generally I'm over 'hot', which results in a poor appetite and bad sleeping. At the end of the week, I become dejected and burst into tears easily. The number of my white cells dropped to 2300 on 16th June after my third chemotherapy on 8th June. I totally knew it could be raised to meet the basic requirement 3000 before the forth chemotherapy on 29th June, but I couldn't stop weeping. I wept again when I read two books written by a breast cancer patient, and found she passed away due to the cells spreading while she was writing the second book. It's amazing to discover how pessimistic I can be under the temptation (of disease, decease, or devil?).

However, thanks God! I'm quite OK during the second and third weeks after the chemotherapy. I can share some easy housework like sweeping the ground or dish washing. Occasionally I'm strong enough to prepare lunch or dinner. I'm very happy to do these small activities, which show that I'm not a patient, but a family member. (I know I'm a silly girl. No one has questioned that.) Following my doctor's suggestion, I spend more time on doing exercise. My youngest older sister and I have a one-hour walk in the playground when I'm well. One day, there was lightning without raining in the playground. I showed my sweetest smile to sky and thought God has taken a good photo for my passport with His photoflash. When my youngest older sister is free in the afternoon, we have a short walk on a hill nearby. I love the path on the hill. The stone stairs always remind me the Scottish shortbread. We sometimes have pleasing surprise there. We saw a bamboo partridge once. Last Wednesday, we saw a few egrets. But what I can share is the photo of stick insects because the birds are hard to be caught by my camera.

After the forth chemotherapy, I'll have an ultrasound check to see whether the tumors are smaller. Then I'll have a surgery at the end of July to remove the cancer cells. I understand no one knows how long he will live. Only God knows. I'm much luckier than those who get natural or traffic accidents because I still have time to be with my beloved family. However, please pray for my weak spirit, particularly in the first weak after the chemotherapy. May God gives me confidence to face my inner fear, and gives me patience and wisdom to accept the present and the unknown future. Please show and lead me on His way. Amen!

Your health, the International Café Lancaster, my original bible study, and CIO (Cambridge International Outreach) are always in my prayer. If any of you has something to enrich my prayer list, please feel free to let me know.

Much love,
Carol xxx