昨晚三姊說: "我的睡相不太好, 害她前天一早醒來就看到一顆白饅頭(我的頭)頂在她眼前." 我說: "昨晚她的睡相也沒有很好啊! 不過, 我看到的是混有葡萄乾的雜糧饅頭." (因為她比較黑, 而且最近被蚊子咬了好多紅豆冰.)
其實, 我的頭髮沒有完全光溜溜, 而是留有少數稀疏的短毛. 照鏡子的時候, 突然想起我外甥女阿琳小時候的樣子, 她不到一歲的時候也是這樣, 我都戲稱她叫"小紅毛猩猩", 還好她很體貼, 不但沒有這樣笑我, 還會順手幫我把吃完東西的碗盤拿進廚房洗, 沒有白疼她.
頭髮剛掉光的時候, 我們問我外甥阿倫要不要陪我理個大光頭. 有家族性遺傳禿頭的他想了想說: "等考完, 如果我心情好的話, 可以去把頭髮剪得更短一點, 像平頭那樣, 不過這是我的底限了." 我大姊事後評論, 由這點可以看出護髮心切的他有多愛我.
雖然光頭不是我所願的, 不過, 光頭還是可以很幸福!!
2009年6月22日
如果
"如果可以重來一次..."是上個禮拜一直繚繞在心頭的句子.
"如果可以重來一次, 我會給自己買張機票, 至少一年回來1次."
"如果可以重來一次, 我會每週花2磅車錢到鎮上買新鮮蔬果."
"如果可以重來一次, 我會每週至少3次來回走去Booth, 散步運動."
"如果可以重來一次, 我不會給自己無謂的壓力, 期待4年畢業."
只不過, 生命沒有如果, 所以我現在只能想著"現在".
錢/旅遊經驗/學位都不重要, 人生最大目標是"活著, 而且好好過活著的每一天".
現在的我可以深刻感受到為什麼在"世界的最後一晚"那篇文章中, 那對夫妻會在世界的最後一晚, 一如往常洗碗/對話/和女兒們親吻道晚安, 最後一句話是Good night. 就像那位先生說的: "妳知道嗎? 除了妳和兩個女兒, 其實也沒什麼好留戀的, 我從來不曾真正喜歡這座城市, 也不喜歡我的工作, 或者任何妳們三個以外的事情, 如果真要說捨不得, 恐怕只有四季的轉換, 熱天裡一杯冰得透透涼涼的水, 還有, 我喜歡熟熟睡著的時候."
換成是我的場景的話, 我想那一晚, 應該是家人聚在一起, 在電視機前面吃好吃的晚餐, 看搞笑的卡通, 閒扯淡, 然後去運動場運動, 或者會看到圓圓的月亮, 然後回家再閒扯淡一番, 熟熟睡去.
"如果可以重來一次, 我會給自己買張機票, 至少一年回來1次."
"如果可以重來一次, 我會每週花2磅車錢到鎮上買新鮮蔬果."
"如果可以重來一次, 我會每週至少3次來回走去Booth, 散步運動."
"如果可以重來一次, 我不會給自己無謂的壓力, 期待4年畢業."
只不過, 生命沒有如果, 所以我現在只能想著"現在".
錢/旅遊經驗/學位都不重要, 人生最大目標是"活著, 而且好好過活著的每一天".
現在的我可以深刻感受到為什麼在"世界的最後一晚"那篇文章中, 那對夫妻會在世界的最後一晚, 一如往常洗碗/對話/和女兒們親吻道晚安, 最後一句話是Good night. 就像那位先生說的: "妳知道嗎? 除了妳和兩個女兒, 其實也沒什麼好留戀的, 我從來不曾真正喜歡這座城市, 也不喜歡我的工作, 或者任何妳們三個以外的事情, 如果真要說捨不得, 恐怕只有四季的轉換, 熱天裡一杯冰得透透涼涼的水, 還有, 我喜歡熟熟睡著的時候."
換成是我的場景的話, 我想那一晚, 應該是家人聚在一起, 在電視機前面吃好吃的晚餐, 看搞笑的卡通, 閒扯淡, 然後去運動場運動, 或者會看到圓圓的月亮, 然後回家再閒扯淡一番, 熟熟睡去.
2009年6月20日
Carol's note 19/06/09
Dear friends,
It's raining outside, so I change my walking plan and sit down to write this note to you. Sorry for the late note. I miss you much, but in addition to bridge the life in the UK and Taiwan, with your generous and kind prayer, it takes me some time to rearrange my daily life. For example, spend some time to be used to my bare head (My head shape is not bad.) as well as my 'physical cycle'.
As you know, I have chemotherapy every 3 week. The first week afterthe chemotherapy is kind of difficult. I can't control my body temperature due to the side effects of the medicine. Generally I'm over 'hot', which results in a poor appetite and bad sleeping. At the end of the week, I become dejected and burst into tears easily. The number of my white cells dropped to 2300 on 16th June after my third chemotherapy on 8th June. I totally knew it could be raised to meet the basic requirement 3000 before the forth chemotherapy on 29th June, but I couldn't stop weeping. I wept again when I read two books written by a breast cancer patient, and found she passed away due to the cells spreading while she was writing the second book. It's amazing to discover how pessimistic I can be under the temptation (of disease, decease, or devil?).
It's raining outside, so I change my walking plan and sit down to write this note to you. Sorry for the late note. I miss you much, but in addition to bridge the life in the UK and Taiwan, with your generous and kind prayer, it takes me some time to rearrange my daily life. For example, spend some time to be used to my bare head (My head shape is not bad.) as well as my 'physical cycle'.
As you know, I have chemotherapy every 3 week. The first week afterthe chemotherapy is kind of difficult. I can't control my body temperature due to the side effects of the medicine. Generally I'm over 'hot', which results in a poor appetite and bad sleeping. At the end of the week, I become dejected and burst into tears easily. The number of my white cells dropped to 2300 on 16th June after my third chemotherapy on 8th June. I totally knew it could be raised to meet the basic requirement 3000 before the forth chemotherapy on 29th June, but I couldn't stop weeping. I wept again when I read two books written by a breast cancer patient, and found she passed away due to the cells spreading while she was writing the second book. It's amazing to discover how pessimistic I can be under the temptation (of disease, decease, or devil?).
However, thanks God! I'm quite OK during the second and third weeks after the chemotherapy. I can share some easy housework like sweeping the ground or dish washing. Occasionally I'm strong enough to prepare lunch or dinner. I'm very happy to do these small activities, which show that I'm not a patient, but a family member. (I know I'm a silly girl. No one has questioned that.) Following my doctor's suggestion, I spend more time on doing exercise. My youngest older sister and I have a one-hour walk in the playground when I'm well. One day, there was lightning without raining in the playground. I showed my sweetest smile to sky and thought God has taken a good photo for my passport with His photoflash. When my youngest older sister is free in the afternoon, we have a short walk on a hill nearby. I love the path on the hill. The stone stairs always remind me the Scottish shortbread. We sometimes have pleasing surprise there. We saw a bamboo partridge once. Last Wednesday, we saw a few egrets. But what I can share is the photo of stick insects because the birds are hard to be caught by my camera.
After the forth chemotherapy, I'll have an ultrasound check to see whether the tumors are smaller. Then I'll have a surgery at the end of July to remove the cancer cells. I understand no one knows how long he will live. Only God knows. I'm much luckier than those who get natural or traffic accidents because I still have time to be with my beloved family. However, please pray for my weak spirit, particularly in the first weak after the chemotherapy. May God gives me confidence to face my inner fear, and gives me patience and wisdom to accept the present and the unknown future. Please show and lead me on His way. Amen!
Your health, the International Café Lancaster, my original bible study, and CIO (Cambridge International Outreach) are always in my prayer. If any of you has something to enrich my prayer list, please feel free to let me know.
Much love,
Carol xxx
Your health, the International Café Lancaster, my original bible study, and CIO (Cambridge International Outreach) are always in my prayer. If any of you has something to enrich my prayer list, please feel free to let me know.
Much love,
Carol xxx
2009年6月17日
懶惰中
不好意思, 又白又胖的豌豆最近發懶中, 近況請先參考經紀人的部落格, 謝謝!
http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/lhit001/article?mid=521&prev=-1&next=520
http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/lhit001/article?mid=521&prev=-1&next=520
2009年6月2日
竹雞與竹節蟲
端午節連假四天, 不知道你們的端午節過得如何呢? 我呢, 和平時一樣繼續看小說, 已經k完20本以上的偵探小說, 和白羅/昆恩/金絲等名偵探們一起運用我的小小灰色腦細胞, 推論犯人是哪一位; 另一個小小的樂趣是閱讀英國作家的文筆, 還可以看到英式英文很難譯出的英式老派幽默. 此外, 三姊開始帶我和媽媽去附近爬山 (很短的登山步道: 510或660公尺而已), 可以去充滿芬多精的綠色山林間走走, 空氣好好, 呼吸都變得不一樣, 某一天還看到了竹雞和竹節蟲; 相較之下, 走運動場變得很無聊, 但為了保持/增加運動量, 還是得繼續走.
在手術前, 我還有兩次化療. 前兩次的經驗是化療結束後的第六天或第七天, 體力就會恢復, 雖然不是很強壯, 但可以幫忙包水餃/雲吞或洗碗等簡單的家務, 和我聽說的化療患者相較, 狀況算好的. 目前唯二的小小困擾是得控制體重 (又要吃得好, 又要不發胖, 很難) 還有"散熱" (頭後面的痱子變成癤子, 但護理師說恐怕是免疫力降低的關係, 只要沒發燒, 就不用回醫院打抗生素). 據腫瘤科主任褚醫師說, 經過前四次化療, 理論上腫瘤會先鬆軟 (這點已經看出成效), 接著是腫瘤縮小, 但不到四次結束做檢查, 沒人知道結果. 目前胸部偶爾會疼痛,希望是我的好細胞正在打勝仗.
在手術前, 我還有兩次化療. 前兩次的經驗是化療結束後的第六天或第七天, 體力就會恢復, 雖然不是很強壯, 但可以幫忙包水餃/雲吞或洗碗等簡單的家務, 和我聽說的化療患者相較, 狀況算好的. 目前唯二的小小困擾是得控制體重 (又要吃得好, 又要不發胖, 很難) 還有"散熱" (頭後面的痱子變成癤子, 但護理師說恐怕是免疫力降低的關係, 只要沒發燒, 就不用回醫院打抗生素). 據腫瘤科主任褚醫師說, 經過前四次化療, 理論上腫瘤會先鬆軟 (這點已經看出成效), 接著是腫瘤縮小, 但不到四次結束做檢查, 沒人知道結果. 目前胸部偶爾會疼痛,希望是我的好細胞正在打勝仗.
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